


Ache

by xMorsmordr3



Category: Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles, Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles (Bay Movies), Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles - All Media Types
Genre: Angst, F/M, Heartache, Hurt No Comfort
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-04-03
Updated: 2019-04-03
Packaged: 2020-01-01 10:03:46
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,829
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18333755
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/xMorsmordr3/pseuds/xMorsmordr3
Summary: The shrapnel of his words were making it harder to breath, every inhale was cutting your lungs, you could almost taste the blood that was surely erupting from them. You slowly extracted yourself from him, suddenly very thankful for the darkness of the room.





	Ache

You had no idea how it had gotten this late this quickly. Then again, you weren’t surprised. Time always managed to zoom by when you were with him. Oftentimes whole seasons of tv shows would play out in the background, giving off a muted accompaniment to your endless conversations. That’s how you knew you had it bad for the mutant. When you were with him words flew from your mouth in a constant stream of melodious phrases, there was nothing you could not share with him. Well there was one thing. But it was a huge thing not suitable for the topics you usually discuss. It was coming though. Soon you had promised. You just had to pick the right moment. Instead you basked in the glow that was each and every second you spent with him. Sparring gave you an excuse to run your hands shamelessly over his muscles, playing video games gave you a chance to trash talk and slip in a few not so subtle flirtations and knitting with him let you show him just how much you valued everything that made him...him. You wanted him to know that you oozed love and adoration for him out of every single last one of your pores. And surely he felt the same way, he was always so much more comfortable around you than he was with anyone else. And he was so gentle yet protective over you, the after training massages he insisted on administering to you, how he always let you win despite his refusal to acknowledge it. He had to love you just as much as you did him.

 

You had waited for what seemed like years, but finally you saw the perfect opportunity to confess your love. He had been feeling a little bit more...ornery than usual, so you had decided to have one of your movie nights. He saw unmoving in the couch as the movie played on. It wasn’t until the end that he made a sound. A angry smacking of his lips.

“What’s that for??”

“He puts his life on the line for her time after time and she falls in love with the useless pretty boy. So fucking typical.”

You cocked an eyebrow and turned your attention to him.

“What’s got you so pissy today?”

“Women.” His answer rousing a laugh out of you. He glared in annoyance.

“Raphie not all women are like that!”

“Yea y’all are. You need us for protection but the minute we get attached you disappear.” The venom in his voice made you recoil.

“Raph... I promise you. Not all women are like that. I know for a fact.” You grabbed his arm and wrapped yourself around it, nuzzling your face into his bicep. This was it you thought. The perfect time! “What’s got you feeling like this?” You asked.

“April. I’m just so terrified to tell her how I feel,but I think I’m ready.” His voice was barely audible, but that whispered confession exploded through your chest as if it had been a pipe bomb. You clutched at your heart, convinced that it had stopped beating. April. How?? How the fuck could it be April!? No. No this couldn’t be right. The shrapnel of his words were making it harder to breath, every inhale was cutting your lungs, you could almost taste the blood that was surely erupting from them. You slowly extracted yourself from him, suddenly very thankful for the darkness of the room.

“Oh huh....well I’m not an expert in that sooo...” Your voice was a shaky, weepy mess that you didn’t even bother to hide. You just wanted to go. To leave and never come back. You fought back a sniffle, mentally cursing at the situation. The dim light reflected off his teeth as he beamed at you.

“I know you don’t like her but you don’t have to cry about it shorty. If anything happens you’ll still be my number one.” You let out a cracked chuckle, it felt like knives dancing in your throat.

“I’m just disgusted you don’t have better taste.” And he laughed. He laughed that laugh that sounded better than any song you had ever heard.

“Can you help me with it. I’m nervous, never felt like this before.”

‘Let’s just throw some salt into this wound.’ You thought. You stared at him through tear blurred eyes, and you knew you would do anything he asked. Even if it meant you would suffer. You nodded, and with that nod felt the core of your being start to shatter.

 

“Hey! Earth to Shorty!! Wake up!!”

“You know I hate when you call me that Raphael.”

“You use to love it. You been acting weird as fuck lately.” You could feel his concerned glare on you and you hated it. It had been 3 months since that night. 3 months since they had become all but inseparable and you were forced to watch him love someone else.Why couldn’t it had been you. Why weren’t you good enough? You had tried your best to be as supportive and happy for him as you could, but it was too much. The pain of seeing him with her had begun to make you bitter. You had started to distance yourself, coming to the conclusion that the constant heartbreak was starting to not be worth saving the friendship.

“I’m just tired.” It wasn’t a lie. You were tired and the heartache made your body weary. “Do you want one of my world famous massages?” You shuddered at the thought. You hadn’t been able to bring yourself to touch him since that night. You shook your head, sighing as you set the controller down on the table.

“No. I think I’m just gonna go home. Take a nap. Maybe I’ll feel better then.” You didn’t notice the way his sorrowful eyes followed you out of the room.

 

Six more months had passed, but the ache hadn’t lessened. You had returned, somewhat, but your friendship with Raphael had become almost non existent. You had tried so hard to share in the excitement of his first love but it was too much. You had hoped that the pain would go away but it only got worse and the more you tried to suppress it the more it seeped out and infected everything you touched. And so you withdrew. Your weekly movie nights turned into every two weeks. The almost constant texting had trickled to a paltry few texts a week. You missed him, you missed him more than you could have ever imagined.

It was like you were missing a part of yourself and sometimes you wondered if he felt that way too. A shiver ran down your spine, you pulled the fleece blanket tighter around you, not knowing if it was the chill or the thought of Raphael missing you had caused it. A sudden vibration broke out against your leg startling you from your thoughts. Your eyes burned at the intrusion of the bright light. 1:30 a.m. who the hell was texting you now?

•WYD Shorty?

Your heart fluttered wildly as a mix of elation and sorrow tumbled around in the pit of your stomach.

•Nothing really. Star gazing

•Same. We should star gaze together.

•I was actually about to call it a night.

•...Did I do something wrong?

Your hands hovered over the digital keyboard, your breath was trapped inside your lungs.

In all honesty he hadn’t done anything wrong. It wasn’t his fault he fell in love with someone else. He didn’t even know how you felt. This was all on you.

•No...not at all

•then why have you been treating me like this?

You couldn’t even get the first word typed out before he sent another response.

•I’m coming over. Be there in 5

 

Those were the most nerve racking 5 minutes in your existence, the soft thud of his feet on landing next to you had actually made you jump out of your seat. The Raph from six months would have laughed. You dusted yourself off and gave him a small smile.

“Hey Raph.”

“Don’t hey me! Tell me what I did!”

His shoulders and chest were heaving. He had never been angry at you and you hated it.

“I promise you. It’s not you.”

“Look I know you and April have never really gotten along but I thought you could get past that. I thought you would be happy for me!”

“I am!! I really am! I’m just trying to navigate through my own personal bullshit and it’s complicated.”

“Well what is it? Tell me so I can help and we can go back to normal.”

“You can’t help me Raph. Just give me some space to figure it out.”

“No!”

He glared at you, his nostrils flared in fury. And you glared back just as strongly, livid at his sudden stubbornness.

“You can’t tell me no.” Your voice was eerily calm.

“I’m not leaving until you tell me what the fuck your problem is.”

“Trust me. You don’t want to know. I’m doing this for you. Now leave!”

“What the fuck are you talking about?! How could you possibly think this is for me?”

“Raphael leave!” The tears were beginning to well up and you could feel the dam you had built to hold your feelings starting to give way.

“Not until I get my friend back!”

You were sobbing outright now, he stepped towards you arms outstretched, but you flinched away from him. The look of sadness on his face causing even more wails to escape your lips.

“Shorty please, tell me what’s wrong. I’ll do whatever you want me to.”

You slid back down into your chair, your hands pressed into your face. He didn’t deserve this, the distance, but you also didn’t want to throw this curveball into his life right now. You shrugged your shoulders pitifully while shaking your head.

“You can’t give me what I want.” You whispered.

 

They were fighting. You could feel the reverberations rolling off the walls. They seeped into your bones. You hated to see him upset, which is why the second day after your rooftop argument you had shown up to the lair laden with food and movies. He had gladly accepted your amends and even though it still cut you to your core to see him with her, you never let it taint your friendship again. And it’s worked. For the last 4 months you’ve been the most dutiful best friend, you’d even helped plan the anniversary; you had a 3 day chocolate and sleep binge afterwards but you made it through. The slamming of doors signaled that the fight was over and April’s quick footfalls were rounding the corner.

She fixed a pointed glare in your direction and you rolled your eyes in response.

“I hate you!” She spat grabbing her coat from the back of the couch.

“Feelings mutual bitch. Keep it moving.” You said with a flick of your hand. She bristled at the dismissal strode out of the lair.

“What the hell was that about?” Donnie asked poking his head out of his room. You shrugged.

“Her and Raph have been fighting again.” Donnie rolled his eyes and ducked back into his sanctuary. You groaned, got to your feet and slowly made your way to his room. The door was hanging off the hinges. With a sigh, you pushed it aside and poked your head in.

He was sat on the end of his bed with his head in his hands. You faltered, you wished you could take away all his pain.

“Hey Raphie. Can I come in?” You asked lightly knocking on the door frame. You didn’t wait for him to answer and instead walked over and took a seat next to him.

“All relationships go through this shit, you’ll get through it.” You crooned. You placed your hand reassuringly on his shoulder, ignoring the tingle it gave you.

“Nah. Not this time.” He grumbled shaking his head.

“Don’t say that. Y’all just need a little time to cool down.”

“We’re done. I broke up with her.”

“Why?? You were so happy!” It was like music to your ears, but you still felt horrible that he was hurting. You wrapped your arms around him and rested your cheek in the crook of his neck, gently rubbing his back. You felt him melt into your touch.

“We...we just really didn’t have anything in common. After a while it just felt like I was forcing myself to be with her. I just don’t love her like I thought I did.”

“Maybe you guys just need a break to get your heads together. I know she loves...”

“No. It’s done. We’ve been limping on for a long time. Me and her are better off as friends.” The finality in his voice sent a jolt through you.

“Ok, well what can I do to make you feel better.”

“You could start by telling me the truth.” His eyes were on you now, boring a hole through to your soul. You swear you could see fire dancing in the irises.

“The truth about what??”When had it gotten so hot?

“About why you acted so standoffish when I first started dating April.” You could feel the heat radiating off his body and it was making you light headed.

“I already told—“

“You fed me some bullshit so I would drop it. Now tell me the truth.” Your mouth was suddenly filled with cottonballs. The intensity of his gaze was now starting to make you feel dizzy.

“I... I’m...”

“Do you love me?” He was unbelievably close to you now, you could almost taste his heat.

“Of course I do! You’re my best friend.” He rolled his eyes.

“You know what I meant! Are you in love with me??”

You couldn’t find the words, they were jumbled and snagged on the dry piece of carpet that was your tongue. You were confused, so so deeply confused. All you could do was nod as a single tear slipped from your eye. He huffed, thin wisps of smoke curled from his nostrils as he jumped away from you.

“Why didn’t you tell me!? All that time I was the one making you hurt!”

“Because you were happy! And I want to see you happy!”

“You let yourself suffer just to make me happy?”

“You’re my best friend Raph. I honestly think I would do anything for you. So if you want to get April back I’ll help you.”

He kissed his teeth and slid his hands down his face in exasperation.

“That’s over shorty. We just weren’t right for each other. And for the last couple of weeks you’ve been all I could think about.” You sat frozen to the end of the bed, your heart beating an erratic rhythm against your chest. You surely hadn’t heard him right.

“Excuse me??”

He chuckled and took his place next to you once more. “You heard me shortstack. I started noticing how much I loved being around you, then I realized... I love you.”

There wasn’t a way to properly describe the feelings coursing through your veins at this moment. Elation, euphoric, jubilant, exultant..? All paled in the light of what you were feeling. Finally, finally you got to press your lips against his. The feel of his warm, soft full lips moving hungrily against yours was almost too good to be true. You had yearned for this touch for years and you didn’t ever want it to end. He expertly moved to your neck crooning a whispered chorus of ‘I love you’s’ that sent tingle after tingle shooting down your spine, leaving warm trails of serenity in its wake. This. This had been everything you could have ever imagined.

 

But you were right. It was entirely too good to be true. The hard snapping of catalogs being tossed onto your desk jolted you out of your daydream and back into reality. The face that you pined over beamed down at you. You gave a weak smile in return.

“So I was thinking about something kinda vintage for her.” He said taking a seat next to you. You shook your head.

“No I think she’s more modern.” You mused, grabbing the magazine from the top. You flipped slowly through the pages before settling on the perfect one. “This one.” You said trailing your fingers over the image.

“It’s perfect!” He exclaimed, sliding the book away from you. “She say yes for sure. “

“She’d say yes even if you didn’t have the perfect ring Raph. Stop being so nervous. You got this.” He pulled you into a tight bear hug.

“ I don’t know what I would do without you shorty. Will you be my best man??”

You choked on your tongue and swallowed down your pain.

“Of course. Anything for my best friend!”


End file.
